The relationship between Richard Feynman and Arline Greenbaum is a true-life love story. They were childhood sweethearts during their teenage years at Far Rockaway High School in Queens, New York. They continued to correspond when Feynman attended MIT, pursuing an undergraduate degree in physics. In 1941, when Feynman was 23 years of age and Arline 22, they became engaged. At that time, Richard was at Princeton writing his Ph.D. dissertation titled, The Principle of Least Action in Quantum Mechanics.
A few months after their engagement, Arline was diagnosed with tuberculosis, which at that time was regarded as a terminal illness. The doctors advised Feynman not to marry Arline, because they felt that her death was imminent. Disregarding the doctors’ advice, Richard married Arline on June 29, 1942 in a small civil ceremony.
Between 1943 and 1945, Richard was working on the Manhattan Project in Los Alamos and Arline was in a sanitarium in Albuquerque about 100 miles away. This enabled him to pay regular visits to uplift her spirit and support her in her struggle. The medical staff reported how Arline laughed throughout these visits in spite of her painful condition. When he wasn’t able to make the trip, Richard sent her loving and playful letters with teasing comments such as, “I was thinking how lucky I am. For even if you weren’t beautiful, and even if you were a witch, I would still love you,” and “I feel I am a reservoir for your strength — without you I don’t know how I would get along.”
On June 16, 1945, just a few days short of their third anniversary, Arline died in the hospital as Feynman, holding her hand and making playful jokes, attempted to comfort her in her final moments. Richard was devastated–the love of his life had perished, and he plunged into a period of profound grief.
Still suffering deep sadness more than a year after her death, Feynman decided in October 1946, to write an uplifting greeting to his departed lover. This secret letter that was discovered in Feynman’s personal papers after his death in 1988, opened with:
I adore you, sweetheart. I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t just write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.
The letter ends with his characteristic ironic humor:
Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.
These excerpts from Feynman’s letters speak for themselves in describing his character and his capacity to love. In many ways, Feynman’s letter to his wife provides a vivid contrast with the typical stereotype of brilliant mathematicians and physicists. Brilliant intellectuals like Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Kurt Gödel, and John Nash were all introverts who experienced difficulty with personal relationships. Richard Feynman was the exception who was able to balance his remarkable talent with strong empathy, a capacity to love, and an intensity of emotion.
