Your premise that both groups are equal in intelligence and looks, suggests that there would be no particular reason to join one group rather than the other. The best group for you to join is the one in which you find kindred spirits–the people with whom you connect at an intellectual and visceral level. One of the great joys in life is to share ideas with bright people who share your interests and with whom you can discuss issues with dispassionate rationality. If that is the popular group, then join them. If you are a secondary school student, then you need to know that “popularity” is a fleeting perception and those people who seem “cool” and who form the “in group” will likely disperse at the end of high school, and you will soon need to find another group. The key is to find people of like mind with whom you feel comfortable and build lasting friendships. That will serve you well in the future.
Being part of a “tribe” provides for many of us a psychological comfort in knowing that what we think and feel is shared by others. Consensus is very comfortable because it makes us feel that our beliefs are shared by many others who are very competent and share our beliefs. However, if you are gifted, you may find it difficult to find a tribe that meets your needs. In this case you will need to seek out some other bright person who is also isolated and that will be more rewarding than attempting to “fit in” where you and the others sense you don’t belong.
Only the few people who have extreme self-confidence can stand apart from the tribe, pursue their own passions and follow their inner drives. These are the people who develop new theories and ideas, and they include people like Darwin, Mendel, Einstein, and von Neumann as well as most of the other isolated intellectual icons. While they pay a price for that isolation, if they sought inclusion, they might pay an even greater price in frustration, conflict and rejection. Isaac Newton was a century or two ahead of his time and after suffering fools and the criticism of less capable beings, he chose isolation and resolved, “I will never publish anything lest I become a slave to defend it.”
So, it seems to me that your best choice is to determine whether you want to be accepted by a particular group or want to be a game-changer. If the former, then join that group and the camaraderie that it offers. If the latter, then seek out only kindred spirits, or work in isolation and pursue your dreams with intensity. When you succeed in your goals, you’ll have more people befriending you than you might wish to embrace.
